Ask my ex-boyfriends and they will tell you that I like to nag and yell. Don’t believe them. Never believe them o. I’m a good natured, witty, jolly good fellow. I’m serious. They are the ones who bring out the worst in me. They are the ones who can’t handle my fabulousness. They just can’t handle the sunshine that is me. John, James and Justin, roll your eyes all you want #yimu (Before you ask, I actually don’t know what that means).
But let me explain further. See, I believe the way you treat me is the way I’ll treat you, especially when it comes to matters of love and romance. What you put into it is what you’ll get out of it. Simple as ABC. Just to convince you that I’m good and they are bad, I decided to share my experience with you. But this time from another angle; his temperament.
I hate dating melancholies. I just hate it. Jisox! They are never in a good mood. They never forgive transgressions. They brood and keep to themselves and are sometimes so quiet you get disconcerted by just looking at them. To make them laugh, its easier for the camel to pass through the eye of the needle, trust me. They are almost always depressed and difficult to please. I remember how I’ve tried without success I might, to please my nonsense melancholic ex-boyfriends. I’m never gonna date one again. Lie lie!
The cholerics! Hmmmm. You’ll never find a more stubborn man! Advice, suggestions, hints, clues all enter one ear and promptly come out of the other ear, fium! They never listen and yet are all over the place with their ‘I too know’ attitude. Me sef too know na. So how it wan take work? 2 captains cannot lead one ship. Did I mention that they are the most unemotional men ever? Put stubborn and unemotional in the same sentence and you’ll get the picture. Yeah, that’s what I had to deal with. What was I thinking? That I could get water out of stone? I must have been crazy.
Erm…Sanguines are good o. This is not because I am one. They are but prepare for the most important dates to be forgotten . My ex never remembered my birthday but he remembers his own. What nonsense is that? I want to come first ni. He never remembers valentine but he remembers Christmas because I have to cook abi! So its selective amnesia I have to deal with? No way o. Abeg park and let me get out. No be by force.
Phlegmatics are never excited. This is a problem in a relationship because I’m such a happy go lucky girl and I’m almost always in a good mood (I know my exes will scoff at this but na dem sabi. Didn’t you see the ‘almost’?). I’m always happy and jumping around jor. Its quite devilish to make me want to fold my arms and sit primly like a little girl which is how phlegmatics make me feel. They make me want to behave myself and I don’t want to behave myself. See the problem? I can’t imagine me behaving myself. So, to your tent O Israel!
I know you’re probably wondering if I’m waiting for the perfect man? Erm….of course, yes! A man who doesn’t fit into the above categories o. Don’t worry, I will find him. I always get what I want. For there is nothing that the Lord cannot do! Wish me good luck (Not the Nigerian President o).