Forget the Bible, single girls are the enemy.

the enemy‘Shafe,I’m going on a weekend getaway. Eat your heart out’.

This was my personal message on my blackberry device. My cousins and I had planned a weekend girls-only getaway to the popular Peemos resort in Sapele. It was Wednesday and I couldn’t wait for the weekend. I needed the distraction as badly as a lunatic needed to relish “yama-yama” (refuse dump). My bags were packed and I was already daydreaming about it. My stressed and overworked best friend, Shafe would most probably be in his office (as usual) and I just had to rub it in. This I did with the above message and a picture of him as my display picture. Funny enough, after my long writing hiatus, for reasons I can’t explain(to be honest, 80% of the reasons are based on laziness, pure and simple), this simple personal message led to a lot of discussions, arguments and it has culminated in two articles. This is the first.

My friend pinged me almost immediately after I put up the picture and asked if Shafe was a married man. I answered in the affirmative and she told me that if she were his wife, she’d beat the crap outta me and that even if she saw her husband in her dreams as my display picture, she’d fight too (err…babe, in reality or in your dreams, I’d beat you black, blue and purple. Just give me the where and when. Ok, bye *flees through back door*).Though she said it in a humorous tone, the underlying seriousness could not be mistaken. I told her he was my best friend and she told me that space was reserved for his wife. I reminded her that I never said I was his best friend. This was what started the discussion(it has still not ended) which eventually led to the issue of single girls and their married friends.

As a girl in her late twenties, I happen to have quite a lot of friends who are married. While being married is a desire that used to be a priority for me, it has moved down the scale due to some unforeseen circumstances (won’t tell, don’t ask. And yes, I still want to get married o). But then I still dance my heart out whenever my friends get married. I’m thrilled and excited for them. It also breaks my heart, it really does, when some of these marriages end up in such disasters that the couple never want to see, much less speak to each other again. The very mention of the other’s name is anathema to them and I sometimes end up in the middle; a position as uncomfortable as a boil on one’s ass.

When these ladies get married, it seems they join a club. One that probably has as a motto ‘single girls are the enemy, forget what the bible says. The devil is a woman and she is single’. This motto becomes so ingrained that it becomes a personal mantra to them. They pout and make faces when they see single girls, including their friends and keep asking annoying questions like ‘when you wan marry now’. ‘find one man marry now’, ‘you never tire for single life’ and the clincher ‘you single girls sef’. Oh, you can trust me; my answers are almost always equally as rude.

Now I get it that they are trying to protect their husbands from the single ladies and all that. Okay, that’s a lie. I don’t get it at all. You want to do that, go to his office and pass the memo around. Go to the banking hall and forbid single ladies from attending to him. Go to the gas stations and forbid single females from selling fuel to him. Forbid nurses, sales girls, stewardesses, customer care agents, computer operators, police women, etc from coming around your husband. If you can, please do. But not the friends, who worked tirelessly for the success of your wedding.

When my close friends get married, I never appear in the photo album. Except you count the ones where I appear doing their bridal make up, serving food, giving out souvenirs, tying their mother’s gele, cleaning their dad’s shoes, berating the photographer for being late, shouting at the people in charge of food, decorating the car, and picking up the money from the ground when its spraying time because they can’t trust anyone else to do it, all with mismatched bathroom slippers, a banging headache and last night’s make up on my face. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. It doesn’t matter whether I was too busy to take my bath or not. All that matters is that the wedding is a smashing success.

Fast forward 3 months after the wedding, I have officially become ‘you single girl’ and she gently breaks it to me that she doesn’t like the fact that I still call her husband by his first name. An air of superiority settles on her and suddenly my friend has turned into a stranger. Oh well!Let’s not even talk about the married women who meet you at the supermarket or salon, take one look at your ring finger and looks up at you with malice, disgust and derision. A woman you’ve never met! If you’re wearing a short dress that day and her husband happens to be with her, may God help your soul, her eyes will continually shoot daggers at you punctuated with long hisses.

I know men cheat mostly with single girls, but don’t they also cheat with married women as well? I know that single girls sometimes go after their husbands, but then more often than not, it’s the men that go after them. If this is not marital insecurity largely based on trust and self esteem issues, then my grandmother won a medal in long jump at the last Olympics. But then my friend did say my perspective will change when I get married, we’ll see about that.

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31 thoughts on “Forget the Bible, single girls are the enemy.

  1. Well, most marriages are procured without the concept of trust. It is not uncommon therefore to see married ‘women’ become protective and give such airs. Again, when you look thru the lives of these women, more than half had had a perhaps unsavoury affiliance with a married man.

    Thus she who kills by the sword is afraid of coming near her back with a razor.

    Again, lack of confidence and the desire to be “in charge” drives such attitude. I have often maintained that jealousy is a sign of weakness and a show of lack of confidence. Just hold on ma, your husband will come soon and with all hopes, what you have experienced will make you have a divergent social summation of your husband and your marital status.

    I wish you the best of luck

    1. I agree that some of the women may have had affairs with married men when they were still single. And I think a certain amount of jealousy is healthy but its so easy to let it take control. That’s d problem. Well, let’s hope my experience helps me handle the issue in a better way when the time comes. Thank you for reading Obi.

  2. But then my friend did say my perspective will change when I get married, we’ll see about that.

    Absolute rubbish, she’s just exhibiting her insecurities. If you trust your husband, I really don’t see any need to “protect” him from any person.

    I have officially become ‘you single girl’ and she gently breaks it to me that she doesn’t like the fact that I still call her husband by his first name.

    ROFL, you sef you for call am broda *insert name here*

    Walahi, that babe get issues.

    All these married and insecure ladies sef.

    Well thank God I’m not a lady. 😀

    1. Smh. Nelson! You haff come o! I think she has her reasons why and they’re not all bad. We’re still talking about it. And the article is not about her. Its basically generic and I was giving examples. So leave my friend alone abeg. And to be honest, I’m yet to meet a married woman who doesn’t wanna ‘protect’ her husband from the single girls. To me, he’s an adult and knows right from wrong. Thank you Nelson. *hugs*

  3. …D reason ΐƨ i̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ d last paragraph – “marital insecurity,trust issues & all”. Gbam!
    U see,mother in-laws were tot 2 be d bane of single ladies “happily ever after” (some still fink so).
    i̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ essence a married lady’s bickering isn’t just limited 2 single ladies…every1 & just any1can be @ d receiving end of her “dagger shooting brunt”.
    Afterall,a drowning man/woman is a desperate man#

  4. good write up D̶̲̥̅̊έA̶̲̥̅̊я. Τ̣̣ђȋ̝̊̅§ i̶̲̥̅̊s̶̲̥̅̊ something dat has become a norm i̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ our society n since single gurls ђåvε̲̣̣̣̥ been seen τ̲̅☺ G̶̲̥̅o̶̲̥̅ foя̲̣̣̥ †ЂΞ married men, †ЂΞ wives of Τ̣̣ђȋ̝̊̅§ men ђåvε̲̣̣̣̥ become wise enuf τ̲̅☺ safeguard Deir life long investments. But I totally agree wt wot u’ve said ezpecially wen sacrifices ђåvε̲̣̣̣̥ been made. Not all single gurls я̩̥̊ devils, U̶̲̥̅̊ know! Keep Τ̣̣ђȋ̝̊̅§ steaming hot, I’l alwayz look forward τ̲̅☺ reading ў☺ΰЯ̩̥̊ articles.

    1. Thank you dear. You’re right on that regard. But I really do not know how one intends to safeguard a man that intends to cheat. He is not a puppy. He is an adult with a sense of right and wrong. The woman can’t keep trying to keep him from going astray. That’s his decision. Thank you so much for reading *hugs*

  5. A beautiful piece that made a very interesting reading.I think the problem is that many men have not been able to earn the trust of their wives.If she was good enough to be your friend while you were single,what is wrong with her relating well with you when you become a “Mr/Mrs”

  6. Lool…is that why people dont think Im married. Hmm. Single girls are not my enemy sha o! But truth be told…you are right, mostly.

  7. Babe na so we see am o. Its almost like marriage makes u better or makes u feel more superior than your single friends. A friend once told me that because one of our friends got married that makes her more responsible than the rest of us still searching, well I beg to differ.marriage gives u a change of status I agree. A lot of times its insecurities that makes we ladies sound that way even though they trust u as their friends but they just wanna let u feel that ‘hey I’m married and u re not’ knowing the importance of being married as lady is in this our society today its almost part of a stage u must got thru after school days and when you are not @ that stage eyebrows are raised and questions like na when you wan marry make u find one man just hook,as if its a must. It beats me! Not gonna blame my fellow women too much though some of them are actually under pressure from their husbands about their choice of friends, their clothes and even choice of career as soon as they are married.so my dear the men too need to remember that before she was ur wife she was single and had friends infact good friends that also encouraged her to get married and shared the joy of the wedding plan.

  8. Babe na so we see am o. Its almost like marriage makes u better or makes u feel more superior than your single friends. A friend once told me that because one of our friends got married that makes her more responsible than the rest of us still searching, well I beg to differ.marriage gives u a change of status I agree. A lot of times its insecurities that makes we ladies sound that way even though they trust u as their friends but they just wanna let u feel that ‘hey I’m married and u re not’ knowing the importance of being married as lady is in this our society today its almost part of a stage u must got thru after school days and when you are not @ that stage eyebrows are raised and questions like na when you wan marry make u find one man just hook,as if its a must. It beats me! Not gonna blame my fellow women too much though some of them are actually under pressure from their husbands about their choice of friends, their clothes and even choice of career as soon as they are married.so my dear the men too need to remember that before she was ur wife she was single and had friends infact good friends that also encouraged her to get married and shared the joy of the wedding plan. Nice piece dear!! I always enjoy ur blogs keep it up. Mwahhhh

  9. Waow! Funny enuf I’m reading this late and can’t but wonder how that innocent chat and me envying yu abt ur resort getaway while I’m working my arse out led to this article. I’l have few words here – Eseosa is a “friend” I can’t give up….relationships are priceless. Do u gv up all friendships cos of a change in status? Yes I’m married, my wife follows Eseosa on twitter and draws my attn to twitpics of my baby Eseosa tweets. Did I mention my baby has a bini name? Yes, courtesy Eseosa….she’s not a best friend in the literary context people use it.
    I guess its drawing lines and as sm1 earlier pointed out, our fears get better of us as married ladies and we cross those lines. Its a state of paranoia to see every lady ard your man as a threat – come on believe in urself that you’re special to him is reason you hv dt ring.
    I won’t say i’m all experienced in marriage affairs cos I’m still young in it but I think its little wonder the cases of unhappy marriages and divorce are on the increase if marriage means no life outside the home. Men cheat but be sure you don’t drive him to by your actions.
    By the way, are you packed already…..I’ve checked the site and I’l visit that resort someday too and will be your turn to eat your heart out!!
    Married ladies, guard your husband but don’t isolate him from the world!

  10. Ok Eseosa – this is the first article of yours I am reading – is that true? I think so! If not blame it on my age! You don’t want to go there!

    The point is I like the writing style! Breezy and stocked with imagery that communicates! Well done!

    On the matter, I maintain my stoic silence!

    1. I so feel you on this although I am married and you are one of the enemies *wink*. But seriously, I don’t get why people suddenly get a Brick on their shoulder once the are married! Puhleeease! Ending emails with …. (Mrs) like we don’t know, always putting up personal messages meant for their husbands alone one their bb status’ , somewhat looking down on or blacklisting their single friends etc its all a sign of a deeper problem with the society. Every woman deserves respect, married or not.

  11. Truth be told,ladies find maarrried men more attractive than the single ones.
    Trust is a deep word to be used in our society where our Men believe they are polygamous in nature.
    As they say,when ur married,U̶̲̥̅̊ too wld understand.

    1. Yeah, that’s what my friend said but I hope my experience as a single girl will prevent such bricks from magically appearing on my shoulder *smiling*. Thank you for reading.

  12. Nail on the head kind of article o! Single girls are the enemy. All my friends who exhibit this attitude rocked married men till they said their own I do. Now I make it a rule, I ditch those types after their wedding sam sam! I had to jokingly tell one of them (I meant it o!) “Ahn ahn, your husband is safe from all single girls” (Yes, cos I wonder what she saw in that one).
    Nice article Ma’am.

  13. Kudos babe! Lovely article, didn’t no u had such talent, saw this and read it all tru, which is unusual 4 me to do!I no sum ladies have insecurity issue, buh this also an eye opener for me, very informative even to d guys.
    Keep it up!

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