This was my personal message on my blackberry device. My cousins and I had planned a weekend girls-only getaway to the popular Peemos resort in Sapele. It was Wednesday and I couldn’t wait for the weekend. I needed the distraction as badly as a lunatic needed to relish “yama-yama” (refuse dump). My bags were packed and I was already daydreaming about it. My stressed and overworked best friend, Shafe would most probably be in his office (as usual) and I just had to rub it in. This I did with the above message and a picture of him as my display picture. Funny enough, after my long writing hiatus, for reasons I can’t explain(to be honest, 80% of the reasons are based on laziness, pure and simple), this simple personal message led to a lot of discussions, arguments and it has culminated in two articles. This is the first.
My friend pinged me almost immediately after I put up the picture and asked if Shafe was a married man. I answered in the affirmative and she told me that if she were his wife, she’d beat the crap outta me and that even if she saw her husband in her dreams as my display picture, she’d fight too (err…babe, in reality or in your dreams, I’d beat you black, blue and purple. Just give me the where and when. Ok, bye *flees through back door*).Though she said it in a humorous tone, the underlying seriousness could not be mistaken. I told her he was my best friend and she told me that space was reserved for his wife. I reminded her that I never said I was his best friend. This was what started the discussion(it has still not ended) which eventually led to the issue of single girls and their married friends.
As a girl in her late twenties, I happen to have quite a lot of friends who are married. While being married is a desire that used to be a priority for me, it has moved down the scale due to some unforeseen circumstances (won’t tell, don’t ask. And yes, I still want to get married o). But then I still dance my heart out whenever my friends get married. I’m thrilled and excited for them. It also breaks my heart, it really does, when some of these marriages end up in such disasters that the couple never want to see, much less speak to each other again. The very mention of the other’s name is anathema to them and I sometimes end up in the middle; a position as uncomfortable as a boil on one’s ass.
When these ladies get married, it seems they join a club. One that probably has as a motto ‘single girls are the enemy, forget what the bible says. The devil is a woman and she is single’. This motto becomes so ingrained that it becomes a personal mantra to them. They pout and make faces when they see single girls, including their friends and keep asking annoying questions like ‘when you wan marry now’. ‘find one man marry now’, ‘you never tire for single life’ and the clincher ‘you single girls sef’. Oh, you can trust me; my answers are almost always equally as rude.
Now I get it that they are trying to protect their husbands from the single ladies and all that. Okay, that’s a lie. I don’t get it at all. You want to do that, go to his office and pass the memo around. Go to the banking hall and forbid single ladies from attending to him. Go to the gas stations and forbid single females from selling fuel to him. Forbid nurses, sales girls, stewardesses, customer care agents, computer operators, police women, etc from coming around your husband. If you can, please do. But not the friends, who worked tirelessly for the success of your wedding.
When my close friends get married, I never appear in the photo album. Except you count the ones where I appear doing their bridal make up, serving food, giving out souvenirs, tying their mother’s gele, cleaning their dad’s shoes, berating the photographer for being late, shouting at the people in charge of food, decorating the car, and picking up the money from the ground when its spraying time because they can’t trust anyone else to do it, all with mismatched bathroom slippers, a banging headache and last night’s make up on my face. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. It doesn’t matter whether I was too busy to take my bath or not. All that matters is that the wedding is a smashing success.
Fast forward 3 months after the wedding, I have officially become ‘you single girl’ and she gently breaks it to me that she doesn’t like the fact that I still call her husband by his first name. An air of superiority settles on her and suddenly my friend has turned into a stranger. Oh well!Let’s not even talk about the married women who meet you at the supermarket or salon, take one look at your ring finger and looks up at you with malice, disgust and derision. A woman you’ve never met! If you’re wearing a short dress that day and her husband happens to be with her, may God help your soul, her eyes will continually shoot daggers at you punctuated with long hisses.
I know men cheat mostly with single girls, but don’t they also cheat with married women as well? I know that single girls sometimes go after their husbands, but then more often than not, it’s the men that go after them. If this is not marital insecurity largely based on trust and self esteem issues, then my grandmother won a medal in long jump at the last Olympics. But then my friend did say my perspective will change when I get married, we’ll see about that.