Betrial

It’s hard to tell who has your back, from who has it long enough just to stab you in it…. – Nicole Richie

This morning, I asked this question via my BBM PM ” What to do when the one person who should have your back switches sides?” That was the question I woke up with. At the time of this writing, I have two answers already

You shrug and keep breathing. That’s a common thing in life” – Yomi Adegboye

Stand firm and believe in yourself the more.
If the person switched loyalty,the person was never a friend. Your friend stays especially at d worst moments
– Tope Aigba

Surviving a betrayal takes a lot of strength and discipline. Betrayal hits hard. You feel ashamed, humiliated, confused, discouraged, distanced, regretful, hurt, hateful–and you want the nightmare to end. A betrayal can shatter that trust and open the door to the possibility that things, in one’s small, intimate world may not be as they
appear.

We have to distrust each other. It is our only defense against betrayal – Tennessee Williams

But despite the pain, hurt and disappointment, you will need to pick yourself up and get over it. You are permitted to cry, be angry but don’t get sucked deep into such emotion. Get it out of you system.

Yes, it’s difficult to see that confidant turn his back on you. That your good friend is passing judgment before hearing your side of the story – a betrayal of disengagement; Of not caring; Of letting the connection go.

Is it possible to succeed without any act of betrayal? – Jean Renoir

You have to get over it and start developing confidence. You can not change what has happened but you do need to take responsibility for how you are handling the situation
now.

Nature never did betray the heart that loved her. – William Wordsworth

No matter how bitter and hurt you feel, do not humiliate the object of your betrayal. That is starting another ripple effect. I strongly suggest that you walk away, if you are unable to deal at all.

How your life unfolds from here on is dependent on how you choose to see yourself, how you choose to think.

You are responsible for how you are allowing yourself to be affected.

I am Olawale
I am a Reader.

Free is Valuable.

There is this general saying that”whatever you get free, you (may not) won’t value it”

I read something about Flamini few weeks back.

Now to people who are not familiar with football like Bankole and Mister Mo, Getting a player on a free transfer simply means that you didn’t pay a single kobo to get him, all you need do is to agree on his wages and the player become yours.

Since Arsenal signed Flamini on a free transfer, he has become the integral part of our team, his work rate has been one of our protective shield for our Center Back. We now concede less goals, his tackles have been timely and passes superb. He is sure a great asset to the team.

“Flamini had a job to do on Hamsik and he did it very well. We stopped them counter-attacking.” – Wenger

Now back to the the general assumption. Yes I don’t feel comfortable using the word ‘believe’ again. Because you are offering a freebie doesn’t mean that the receiver won’t appreciate it. The assumption that because it is free means that it’s of low value should be discarded.
“Free offers may not devalue products at all when they are paired with an expensive purchase.” Some of my finest designs are freebies. I value them so much that after giving it out, I wonder if I should have kept it and sold it to another client. Price is not necessarily a reflection of value.

“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.”
– Mary Oliver

How many of us remember the #ChildNotBride design by @IamAyomiDotun Can you say that design has no value because it is free?

The value of a freebie is often perceived as higher than a typical cost.” – Prof. Ariely

Even when you’d lost everything you thought there was to lose, somebody came along and gave you something for free.” – Jenny Valentine

Our main focus should be on whether what we got for free is serving its purpose. If it does, it is then more valuable than what you spent money on and isn’t getting the job done. Value doesn’t means high price. The real value of a person or thing is his/her/its availability and benefits.

I am Olawale.
I am a Reader.

Be Angry

“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die – Buddha

Everybody has to deal with anger from time to time. You will get angry by what you see, hear, even our own thoughts can create resentment within us. Even the most gentle of personalities can temporarily turn into a vindictive rascal, if pushed far enough. Have you ever made it through an entire day without getting angry at something or someone? Probably not-and that’s totally normal.

When you’re faced with a situation that makes you angry, do not let yourself explode. Ruminating on your anger isn’t actually helpful, it fuels your anger more and if its not checked, you might actually do something you do not like with it.

One person in five has ended a relationship because of the way the other person dealt with anger – Celia.

We all get angry. But for some people this basic and powerful human emotion is difficult to manage. Dissecting your anger to take away its power away, it reduces it potency. You are allowed to feel anger, it just learning to control it that’s the hard part.

Have learned to take a step back when you are angry? The other person might call you coward, but stepping back might help resist the urge to talk or act. You know as well as I do that word utters in anger are always louder at times. While it’s important for you to express you feelings, refrain from uttering absolute statements that invalidate another’s thoughts or feelings and can spark anger in both of you. May I say that it might also be great to watching a sitcom, these are few of many things to do while you are angry.

When angry count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred. “ – Thomas Jefferson

A conversation with yourself may keep you calm. There is something
about focusing on the gently flow of the breath in and out of your body that just has a soothing quality, that helps to bring you back into the now and clear
you mind.

You may have every right to be angry with someone, but you know that by getting angry with him you will only lose your precious peace of mind..” – Sri Chinmoy

Be ye angry, but learn when to Stop.

I am Olawale.
This is a friendly Reminder.

Image via prayingyouth

Naked, But Not Ashamed

RT @Anabagail: K “@iDOVA: Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable.”

So I came across that tweet few days ago. I wanted to add “be very afraid” to it, but on the second thought, I decided to ignore it and scroll up to other tweets. But I kept remembering that particular tweet and I decided to have a chat with myself and ask around.

Vulnerability does not mean being weak
or submissive. To the contrary, it implies the courage to be yourself. It involves uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.
Most of us shy away from being vulnerable, but the truth is that, it’s part of development and forms part of our social relationships. Opportunities for vulnerability present themselves to us every day, the question is whether we will take them. We fear Vulnerability because we are scared of what people will find out about us and they may reject us. In order to be vulnerable, you have to be okay with all of you. That’s the thing about vulnerability that no one tells you about. Nobody likes to be misunderstood or taken for granted so we hide the real us. While self-sufficiency and autonomy can help us weather the storms of life, it can also rob us of true intimacy.

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.

– Reinhold Niebuhr

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief… and of unspeakable love.” – Washington Irving

No one likes to feel like a fool and no one likes to be hurt. No one likes to be criticized or have their faults pointed out or used against them. With vulnerability, you experience true connection— true love for yourself—and you begin to attract people to you who are inspired by your openness. C.S Lewis wrote “ to love at all is to be vulnerable.” Let me rephrase that. To live at all is to be vulnerable. We must learn to trust ourselves. It takes courage.

I am Olawale
I am a Reader

Thank you Bode afeniforo for choosing the title.

The Half Full

what do you see

what do you see

“No matter what your dream is in life, no matter what your goal, keep your eyes upon the doughnut and not upon the hole.” – Emily Mortimer

The dictionary defines perspective as “the capacity to view things in their true relation or relative importance.”

Your perspective determines whether
you focus on what you have or what you
are missing. Many people have gone down the wrong path simply because they refused to see the other side of life. The world that offers you thorns, also adds beautiful roses to them. Sometimes what we think are important aren’t and what we place so much value on are of less importance. Like Mr Johnny Depp said ” Nowadays, people know the price of everything, and the value of nothing”

There are times that all we need is to change that channel and see the world in a new way. The moment we make up our mind that the way you see things makes a difference. We need to see ourselves as a cause not an effect. You don’t have to be a product or a victim of your circumstances. Stop thinking about what is happening to you and start thinking about what you can make happen. Too many people blow their problems way out of proportion, devoting precious mental energy to situations which do not carry “life or death” consequences.

Perspective is everything, isn’t it? This is such a creative, physical way to help us put our challenges into perspective!
When you look up into the sky at night, what do you see? Darkness or Stars? There is nothing like something is totally bad, because if we look deeper, we might just find a flicker of light. A small perspective can change anything. A deeper look at issues can give open the entire universe to you. Perspective suggests that you’ve considered your place in this world and that you appreciate “the big picture.” Some of the world’s deepest questions have actually already been answered.
Perspective helps us to know that circumstances do not create us, we create our circumstances. This not about positive confession or just a positive thinking, it’s a conscious and deliberate choice to see the other side of life.

“Sometimes awful things have their own kind of beauty.”

As you widen the lens of your perception, you’ll experience less tension, improve your attitude, develop keener insight into the meaning of your life, and most likely enjoy greater material success as well.

I am Olawale.

PS: Friendly Reminder Series will be published every fortnight on this blog.

What has age got to do with it?

First off, I’m 28 years old so you don’t think I’m an oldie. Infact I’m not even 28 yet as it’s not July 4th yet but oh well! I am a sexy, confident young lady! And may I say, sexy again? *winks* When we talk of age and love and being a woman (a sexually active woman), the term ‘cougar’ comes up! For married women in their early thirties, they like to play around with the term thinking it makes then look sexy. Oh well, Na una sabi. Who is to say, when I’m in your shoes, I won’t do same or worse! Please note that I said ‘term’, not boys o.

Oh yes! I can boldly and calmly say I like boys. Especially for entertainment. My colleague, regularly tells me that I like boys too much and he is always skeptical about introducing me to his friends. Boys, being the operative word here. Nonsense colleague of mine!

Men are complicated beings, right? That is a fact we can all agree. Who needs them? (Btw, My Oga at the top must NEVER read this o! Not in this lifetime). But seeing as body no be firewood and one isn’t ready for the complexities and complications of the ‘men’ folk, can’t one luck an apple from the tree of ‘boy’ hood to counter the raging effects of this hard life? Abi no be so? Has anyone noticed that they are getting finer and finer by the day?

This fact was brought home to me some days ago. My friend and I had gone to a bar after work hours like we usually do to ogle fine boys and disagree over whose ass was better proportioned when the guys bent over to shoot pool. When he walked in, I swallowed and mehn, I had no drink in my mouth. I simply drank in the sight of him. The boy was fine! Abeg, leave matter, he fine!#endof. My friend agreed that he was fine but he couldn’t be more than 24. “So? And how is that supposed to be my business nau?’. I couldn’t for the life of me understand why his age was an issue. In my opinion, he was a ‘man’ without the wahala, attitude and baggages that came with the older species of his gender.

“Haba, Eseosa, you don spoil finish o. You no go leave all these small boys?” I fired back without missing a beat. “My friend, be guided. Small boy for where? Can you look at that boy again and see the confidence that exudes from him? His mother didn’t give him that. Experience did.” We couldn’t seem to agree and left the matter there. This morning, I have been told my my colleague that I like boys again. So I have penned my thoughts since I can’t get them to listen verbally.

The quest for love is no an easy road. Trust me, I have been there, done that and swiped the dirt of my shoulder. From looking for the fairytale, cinderella and glass slipper kind of love(which I am still searching for), to the kind where I only need you for the night(which is far more attainable), it can be an arduous journey. As time goes by, as the men become more unreasonable and clueluess and we become bag-women, a paradigm shift occurs. You stop thinking like you used to think. You need to, in order to survive.

I don’t wait for you. If I like you and I want you, what stops me from coming to get you? If I desire a pair of shoes, I walk up to the counter and make moves to take it home with me. Simple! No need for long talk. But I digress. From the age of 24, I don’t see what the problem is. I have dated younger guys before (and i mean, real dating, no be come chop) and for a while, they were beautiful relationships. Where did it lead me? Here! The same place that relationships with older guys left me so what is the point?

We need to free our mind from the shackles we have placed on it. Have you heard of Casper Smart and Jlo? Hello!!! Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher? Fine! It didn’t land Demi anywhere but then neither did her marriage to Bruce Willis. So what are you telling me? Abegi!!

You can quit! No one needs you to be a hero.

Winners Never Quit, and Quitters Never Win

Have you ever heard people saying “don’t quit, “don’t stop”, “don’t give up” I have heard it over and over again, I believe it and have tried to live by it…..yes ‘tried’!!!

images(1)“Tough times never last…Tough people do”

How do you know when to throw in the towel? Sometimes, while trying to be a hero, we cause more harm than good, to ourselves and to the people around us. We want to get things done at all cost without looking at the ripple effects. We keep toughening our muscles till it gets torn and we burn out. We push and shove until we are completely spent and overwhelmed.  We believe the quitters are weak and therefore, whenever we notice that we are slowing down, and the steam is drying up, we push ourselves harder and harder. Quitting can be a good thing when to keep going will deplete you of useful and much needed energy.

Have we noticed how we get frustrated and bitter each time we appear to be slowing down? We want to achieve our targets at all cost and by every possible means, even if it causes us injury either physically, mentally or emotionally. Don’t get me wrong, I am not against perseverance, but while we persevere, we should always apply wisdom. Knowing your capability and strength helps to know when to pause and re-think…..and when to stop outrightly. I have been at a stage where I got stuck with a project spending hours and days trying to “conquer” it while leaving other stuff undone. It was until I let go and faced the other project, that the solution to the previous project came. The persistence required to achieve hard-to-reach goals may not be worth it.  We all do need a breather. And sometimes a change of direction and purpose is required. We need to get out of the heroism confinement and smell the air. Its okay to pause….stop and give yourself that much needed break.

Our take is that persistence is good, but there are times where the most adaptive thing is to say is,This goal is not going to work out’ – Miller and Wrosch 

Whether it’s a difficult project, a failing relationship, an unhappy marriage, a job that’s going nowhere or something as simple as a boring book, we sometimes stick with a doomed endeavor longer than we should in order to justify our original decision and the time, money, or effort we’ve already put into it. How many of us set unrealistic expectations for ourselves? Sometimes quitting is strategic, and sometimes it can be your best possible plan. 

Stop being so afraid of breathing and letting things go. Every time you play the hero card, you are jeopardizing the next game.

I am @famuyideolawale

I am a reader not a Writer.