Tag Archives: family

Cheers to the new me!

ninja

I’m staring at King Aize’s picture of when he was 2 days old and I cannot believe how big he has grown. I can’t believe it. He looks so different. Now he’s hugging me, kissing me, babbling back at me, mimicking me, laughing with me and giving me flying kicks. He’s testing my patience, testing his limits, biting me, throwing things back at me and I’m learning to read his moods and daily learning what I can do to change how he feels when he feels moody or is throwing a tantrum. He just started that and it’s interesting to watch. Sometimes I let him have his way and other times I stand my ground. I’ve learned that he only bites me when he’s happy or wants my attention or wants me to play with him. He also bites me when he wants to make me laugh; I guess my reaction is hilarious to him. I love him. Too much!

I thought of re-starting this blog when I move into our new house. But its taking much more time than I expected and my head is bursting with ideas and stuff that I just cannot wait anymore. I am afraid that people will judge me but in my usual style, I cannot let people’s opinions stop me from doing what I want. I will do what’s best for me. I know the opinions that society holds concerning women living alone, divorcees, single moms and older single ladies but who society epp? Abeg!

Since I became a single mom, life has changed! It’s almost as if I am living a brand new life. The new me looks at the old Eseosa and marvels at her shenanigans and antics, her zest and her can do spirit. I still have vestiges of that, I think. When you have gone through a bad marriage like I have, lost yourself in order to please someone else and then have it all thrown down the cluttered, dirty drain, it can and does take its toll. Add that to being the parent of an active cruiser/toddler and you can see why the old Eseosa is to be feared and revered.

But I love my life. I love the fact that I know who I am. I know what I have. I have full confidence in my abilities as a woman and mother. Marriage will stretch your limits and I can safely say, it has helped me rediscover myself. I no longer see life through rose-tinted lenses. Black is black and white is white. Wrong is wrong and right is right. We all have the right to be happy. We all have the right to choose the kind of life we want. We all have the right to choose the kind of people we want in our lives. We should not live for someone else. We should make the decisions that govern our life. We choose our life’s path.

Adulting is freaking difficult o, moreso when you’re a woman. But since I simplified my life, I find that most things have become easy. I can genuinely say that I love my life. It’s almost as if I was born for this. Maybe that is one of the reasons Imoh is so mad. Oh well! In one of my articles, I remember writing that I was born to be a mother but I couldn’t say the same about being a wife. Single parenthood has come with its ups and downs but I have much preferred it to marriage. If Sister Queen hears that I said I was born to be a single mom, she will kill me. She is all about moving on and getting myself a good man. I am all about saving money to pay for Aize Lee’s fees come September. I know when push comes to shove, my support system will kick in but I have never had the talent of begging. In all my madness and skoin skoin behavior, I have never learned how to beg. Besides I can afford it. For that, God showed up. Thank you, Jesus. If not, it for red o.

The first step I think, to excelling at being a single mother is to have a source of income and live according to it. My precious son doesn’t know the difference, except that he enters buses a bit more (in my defence, I usually pay for 2 or 3 seats so he will be comfortable), he eats the same cereals, same foods and pureed fruits and generally the same standard of life he was born in. Not that he would notice o, he’s just one year old. All na serenren; to reassure myself that I have got this and God has got us. My dad died when I was 5. Am I not here, happy and healthy today? Na today? If my mum who was a trader could raise 7 successful children, what could possibly be my excuse? After all the better schools wey I go? God no go gree!

For some reason, it seems as if there are divorcees and single parents everywhere I go. I like to think God led them to me to show me that I am not alone and that it is not peculiar to me. A lot of them are doing very well and live super successful Iives and I go home motivated to do more and conquer more. Some are not doing so well and I go home, cracking my brain on what to do to improve the life and lot of women in Nigeria more. Imoh once said, his problem was that I was too strong and he was trying to tame me. These days, I am more likely to fight back if provoked, especially when it comes to women and children. I am more defensive. I am more ready.

I smile more. I laugh more. I am friendlier, much nicer. I notice more things, like the woman with a child on her back and a heavy load on her head while the husband walks by her side, pressing his ‘palasa’ phone. I am more eager to pay for a woman whose fare is incomplete in a commercial bus. I am generally a nicer person, I admit to women only o. Lol. But I expect that to change as time goes by.

Lift your hands and voice to celebrate and help the woman in your life some time! Please! She deserves it! Honestly.

Cheers to the new me!

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We Need A Little Respect Around Here

respect

“Respect gives a positive feeling of esteem or deference for a person….To feel or show deferential regard for; to esteem. I’m not concerned with your liking or disliking me… All I ask is that you respect me as a human being”. -Jackie Robinson

I’ve been using social media for some years now, and I can say that it has made my work and networking easier. I have definitely met people who have impacted my life and who have taught me life lessons along the way. Facebook used to be my default social networking platform. My migration from Facebook to Twitter was not easy, but after @MrBankole introduced and explained it to me, I fell in love with Twitter. But I am not here to write about my love for Twitter.

As much as I love the liberty to share thoughts, I have an issue with tweeps (Twitter users) who display a lack of respect for other users. A couple of weeks back, I came on my timeline (TL) to see a tweep insulting and talking down another tweep. I was mortified and angry, but as usual, I didn’t say anything, because it looks like it is becoming a norm – an acceptable practice – in the tweet sphere to be disrespectful. I find this really sad. 

Now, while you and someone may have conflicts, it is bad taste to get on your TL to insult and sometimes curse at them. This is a really shameful thing. Like the quote above says, you don’t need to like me or dislike me. All I ask is to be treated like a human being. Yet I see people meet others on Twitter, and because of difference of opinion, they talk the other person down. My question is, If it were a member of your family, is that how you will talk to the person? To make matters worse, you will see an undergraduate calling a business executive names, all because he/she dignifies by following or interacting with them.

A Word to Disrespectful People

Truth be told, there are some people who follow you that if you met in real life, you won’t even be able to say anything, not because they are gods, but in the hierarchy of life, they are big and you are far down the ladder. Some of these people you talk down at are much bigger than you in real life. Their impact on the society is much more than you can fathom. Were some of them to list their qualifications and achievements, your BSc would be just a piece of paper in comparison. This is why I don’t blame some tweeps who won’t exchange tweet-chat with you because they value their integrity.

From a different angle, how would you feel if a tweep you have insulted and cursed at happen to be the Personnel Manager of a firm you are applying to for a job? You already know the answer, I suppose. You can disagree with someone without being silly about it. Imagine a 23-year old tweep hurling insults at a 36-year old tweep, all because they disagree. If they were your family, would you dare such? Leave social media out of this, our culture is laced with respect for elders and vice versa.

Lastly, to the “Overlords”, your followers are privileges. Were your five thousand followers to just un-follow you, who would you be tweeting at? Treat them with respect. In the words of Albert Einstein “Everyone should be respected as an individual, but no one idolized”.

 

I am @famuyideolawale 

I am a reader, not a writer

 

Celebrating Gloria

I was supposed to post this article on the 1st of October. I’d been mentally preparing myself for days to actually write something, even if it was just a few lines. But on that day I just couldn’t. I preferred to daydream. You are such a private part of me and I just didn’t want to share that part of me. Its crazy because I have so much memories of you. Good and bad. I am still afraid to think about the bad ones. While I always go through September 13th trying to forget the date, I am always happy on October 1st. We all are. There’s always a joyful spirit in the air. We celebrate you. We express gratitude to God that we had you even if it was for a short time. The tears are falling now from my eyes like I knew they would. This is the hardest article I’ve ever written. Oh, well!

Its so difficult to write about you and I really don’t know why. You were such a beauty. In and out. Oh, I know people say that about their loved ones but you really had such a beautiful spirit. Everyone gravitated towards you. I wanted to grow up to be like you. You were my favourite. Everyone loved you. I still haven’t met anyone who likes to laugh as much as you did. 9 years! Without you! I still remember that day with such clarity that I can’t believe its been 9 long years. We don’t cry anymore. When someone mentions your name, everyone smiles; each one lost in his/her own memories of you. My God, how time flies! We still talk about you in present tense. I know its weird, I like it. It confuses visitors. They ask, we smile.

‘Thank you Lord for my sister. Though we would have loved to see her alive and happy, but you know best. In everything, we give you thanks. Thank you for the blessing that she was. Thank you for illuminating our world with her light. Thank you because we know she is in a better place. It is well.’

Gloria Omodamwen Ogbeide
Oct 1 1972-Sept 13 2003
We had the world when we had you!

Aristotle, Alaska and other random thoughts.

So today I thought about a lot of things. Though I may not look it and I certainly don’t act it, I do think a lot, you know. My brother calls me a ‘worrier’ and my sister calls me a ‘thinker’, not in d philosophical sense though. I’m not Aristotle. But then on second thoughts, Aristotle isn’t so bad. Even Shafe says it. I really have to do something about that.

The thought of writing this article came to me in the bathroom. Yes, right at the moment when I was scrubbing away at my arms. I have big arms so it takes a little while to get it really clean (at least in my mind) so I had time to let my mind drift. I was taking a bath in my office after office hours. I don’t know why I had to include that but I’m not deleting it.

I just remembered. Shafe hasn’t called me o. How dare he forget to call his bestie! I mentioned him in a tweet but I haven’t gotten a reply. Busy as always! Hmmmm. Wait! IK is supposed to be my best friend. So when and how did Shafe take over? Oh! I owe IK so much. He never forgets my birthday. I always forget his. I’m a crappy friend. I don’t blame him but I still love him.

Friendship! Jessy accused me of being a bad friend today because I wouldn’t reduce my fees for holiday services for her kids. I explained to her that I actually was reducing fees to a ridiculous extent because we almost got lost together in secondary school. She laughed. I rolled my eyes. She should know that I don’t joke with money but then I’m crazy about my baby Yuki-Yuki.

I watched Mrs Dabiri pick up her kids today and observed the loving but firm way she handled them and my heart swelled (in a good way). They are wonderful kids. See, I want to have a baby so bad I literally ache. I should get married first right? Yeah I know. I just don’t know if I can wait much longer! Especially after the last experience!

I know I should take the ‘bull by the horns’ approach to certain issues in my life but I’m stalling. I asked myself why and I realised I was afraid. So I can feel fear? That’s new. I’m 27 and for the first time in my life, I’m afraid. Hmmmm. I know I won’t stay afraid for long so I might as well savour it while it lasts! Shake your head at/for me if you like, it’ll have no effect. Its your head afterall, not mine! Shake it to your heart’s content.

Shaky shaky daddy. Remember it? I loved that ad.

This article reminds me of Tee hidee-the overlord of the Ramblers. I feel as if I’m rambling on and on. Now that is a girl that I like! I’d like for us to become closer but she has a penchant for disappearing for long periods of time so I always forget. When I remember, its always at the time when I’m crazy busy. So I postpone till I’m less busy but then she disappears again. The circle goes on and on.

That reminds me. Debo wants to get back in my good books. He’s been making efforts but not hard enough in my opinion. Afterall, he abandoned me and went to get himself another family (Kwami Adadevoh stole my Debo. I’ll never forgive him). So Debo, if you’re reading this and I know you will, you better intensify efforts. Is this the part where I say ‘yimu’? Hmmmm. I’d love to but since I don’t exactly know what it means, I’ll let it pass.

Yimu. I just couldn’t resist it.

Now, how do I end? I’m typing this on my smartphone and my fingers are beginning to hurt. My thumbs especially. This is the first time I’m writing an article on my blackberry and the first time I’m writing in this random manner. I know its different from my normal style but what the heck!

I never said I was normal anyway!

Normal reminds me of a movie I watched 2 days ago and it was set in Normal, Alaska. ‘Snowmageddon’ was the title I think. But then I did say I needed to stop thinking so much. So if I’m wrong…jeez!

My head’s full again…

My birthday message

Today is my birthday. July 4th. Yeah it is. A wonderful day indeed. Did you notice that the sun is shining brighter today? Did you notice that the leaves are greener, skies are bluer and the weather, clearer? If its raining around you, consider it as showers of blessings. Yeah, they are celebrating me. And that is why this article today is all about gratitude. To God. To my family. To my friends. To me. To you.

Thank you Lord, for being my everything. Even before I started a closer walk with you, You were already leading me. All that I am today, which is no mean feat can be attributed to you and you alone. Thank for being my rock and fortress when I am weak. Thank you for being my comforter during those trying times when I even doubted you. Thank you for your understanding when I rebelled against you. Thank you for guidance even through my ‘know it all’ periods. Thank you for the hope you created when all I could see was hopelessness. Thank you for everything that you are to me; You are the reason for it all.

Thank you to my family for surrounding me with love and a sense of family. Thank you for putting up with my nonsense, knowing that I would grow up some day. Thank you for allowing me express myself, albeit outlandishly in my growing up years; it has made me the confident woman I am today. Thank you for the unbreakable bond that we share; it has made me the secure woman I am today. Thank you for instilling in me the values and principles that I live my life by; even those older than me respect me for that. Thank you for being there for me, no matter what. You are the wind beneath my wings.

Thank you my friends for you have been wonderful. This is the tricky part. If I mention names, It’d take more articles than I could ever write. Suffice to say that I’ve being blessed with the best friends ever. In my short time on earth, I’ve come across people who have become family to me and who I hold in the highest esteem. Thank you all for putting up with my nonsense now and again, for celebrating the joyous moments in my life with me, for holding my hands and crying with me through the sad moments, thank you for jumping even higher than me when I get something right. Thank you for the well meaning advice you give and the outrageous ideas that come out of your heads. Thank you for your loyalty and for your friendship. You are the best.

Thank you to you reading this article. Starting a blog has been one of the most exhilarating experiences ever. Your messages and comments make me better and better. Thank you for sticking with me even as I continuously fumble to get it right. All this technology thing no easy o. I’m glad I have a medium to thank you and I do so graciously.

Me? What do I say to myself? After all the goofs, mistakes, fumbles and wahala, I can still raise my head up high and say proudly, “this is Eseosa”. I am proud of the woman I’ve become. I am proud of how far I’ve come. I’m proud of how it has all turned out. At 27, the world is mine to conquer. At 27, I’ve got more than I had hoped for. I’ve lived and done things that I never imagined. I can’t wait for the exciting more in store for me. As I begin the journey on the rest of my life, I’m expectant of a lot of things but now at least I know I can do it all with my head raised high. What more can one bini girl ask for?