Tag Archives: women

Cheers to the new me!

ninja

I’m staring at King Aize’s picture of when he was 2 days old and I cannot believe how big he has grown. I can’t believe it. He looks so different. Now he’s hugging me, kissing me, babbling back at me, mimicking me, laughing with me and giving me flying kicks. He’s testing my patience, testing his limits, biting me, throwing things back at me and I’m learning to read his moods and daily learning what I can do to change how he feels when he feels moody or is throwing a tantrum. He just started that and it’s interesting to watch. Sometimes I let him have his way and other times I stand my ground. I’ve learned that he only bites me when he’s happy or wants my attention or wants me to play with him. He also bites me when he wants to make me laugh; I guess my reaction is hilarious to him. I love him. Too much!

I thought of re-starting this blog when I move into our new house. But its taking much more time than I expected and my head is bursting with ideas and stuff that I just cannot wait anymore. I am afraid that people will judge me but in my usual style, I cannot let people’s opinions stop me from doing what I want. I will do what’s best for me. I know the opinions that society holds concerning women living alone, divorcees, single moms and older single ladies but who society epp? Abeg!

Since I became a single mom, life has changed! It’s almost as if I am living a brand new life. The new me looks at the old Eseosa and marvels at her shenanigans and antics, her zest and her can do spirit. I still have vestiges of that, I think. When you have gone through a bad marriage like I have, lost yourself in order to please someone else and then have it all thrown down the cluttered, dirty drain, it can and does take its toll. Add that to being the parent of an active cruiser/toddler and you can see why the old Eseosa is to be feared and revered.

But I love my life. I love the fact that I know who I am. I know what I have. I have full confidence in my abilities as a woman and mother. Marriage will stretch your limits and I can safely say, it has helped me rediscover myself. I no longer see life through rose-tinted lenses. Black is black and white is white. Wrong is wrong and right is right. We all have the right to be happy. We all have the right to choose the kind of life we want. We all have the right to choose the kind of people we want in our lives. We should not live for someone else. We should make the decisions that govern our life. We choose our life’s path.

Adulting is freaking difficult o, moreso when you’re a woman. But since I simplified my life, I find that most things have become easy. I can genuinely say that I love my life. It’s almost as if I was born for this. Maybe that is one of the reasons Imoh is so mad. Oh well! In one of my articles, I remember writing that I was born to be a mother but I couldn’t say the same about being a wife. Single parenthood has come with its ups and downs but I have much preferred it to marriage. If Sister Queen hears that I said I was born to be a single mom, she will kill me. She is all about moving on and getting myself a good man. I am all about saving money to pay for Aize Lee’s fees come September. I know when push comes to shove, my support system will kick in but I have never had the talent of begging. In all my madness and skoin skoin behavior, I have never learned how to beg. Besides I can afford it. For that, God showed up. Thank you, Jesus. If not, it for red o.

The first step I think, to excelling at being a single mother is to have a source of income and live according to it. My precious son doesn’t know the difference, except that he enters buses a bit more (in my defence, I usually pay for 2 or 3 seats so he will be comfortable), he eats the same cereals, same foods and pureed fruits and generally the same standard of life he was born in. Not that he would notice o, he’s just one year old. All na serenren; to reassure myself that I have got this and God has got us. My dad died when I was 5. Am I not here, happy and healthy today? Na today? If my mum who was a trader could raise 7 successful children, what could possibly be my excuse? After all the better schools wey I go? God no go gree!

For some reason, it seems as if there are divorcees and single parents everywhere I go. I like to think God led them to me to show me that I am not alone and that it is not peculiar to me. A lot of them are doing very well and live super successful Iives and I go home motivated to do more and conquer more. Some are not doing so well and I go home, cracking my brain on what to do to improve the life and lot of women in Nigeria more. Imoh once said, his problem was that I was too strong and he was trying to tame me. These days, I am more likely to fight back if provoked, especially when it comes to women and children. I am more defensive. I am more ready.

I smile more. I laugh more. I am friendlier, much nicer. I notice more things, like the woman with a child on her back and a heavy load on her head while the husband walks by her side, pressing his ‘palasa’ phone. I am more eager to pay for a woman whose fare is incomplete in a commercial bus. I am generally a nicer person, I admit to women only o. Lol. But I expect that to change as time goes by.

Lift your hands and voice to celebrate and help the woman in your life some time! Please! She deserves it! Honestly.

Cheers to the new me!

Strength, Courage and Wisdom

I just had my heart broken again. No, I’m serious. At my age, this is not an easy thing to experience, trust me. It actually was a surprise. I thought I had seen it all and that nothing could ever shake my heart again but how wrong I was. It hurt like hell. My heart literally bled, almost to draining point. I experienced it in a whole different way and I learnt an important lesson along the way.

I always talk about life and its twists and turns and how we experience different things. But when it comes to lessons learnt along the way, it’s a whole different kettle of fish. I’ve learnt how to be strong for myself and for those around me, how to laugh through my tears, how to guard my heart, how to suck my disappointments in and hold my head up high, but perhaps most importantly, I’ve learnt how to accept me for who I am.

I’m a crazy person, that much is obvious. I think what makes me so crazy is the fact that I’m almost like a child at times. I’m a full grown adult and yet, can act, pout and sulk like a little baby when I don’t get what I want. The flip side of that coin is that little things bring me great pleasure and I gleefully giggle when something pleases me. I think the only time I act my age is when it concerns money and my business. Before you ask, I might as well tell you that I’m into a business where I get to be with little kids daily. And I love it.

But I learned something important this time around. A lesson that hopefully, I won’t be forgetting soon. Never settle for less. When you know you deserve better than what you’re getting, don’t hesitate to take action. Don’t hope that it’ll be better with time. It’ll never be better. It’ll only become increasingly worse. My heart is broken, yes. And I feel so bad but what makes me feel even worse is the fact that I knew deep inside me that this was going to happen but I hoped, prayed and hoped again that it would be better. I was wrong.

Like me, so many women make this dreadful mistake. That the man would suddenly realize how much the woman loves him and become a new leaf. If it works, I really don’t know because I’m yet to find a situation in which it actually did. Ladies, if he ain’t loving you today, he’s not going to have an epiphany tonight and wake up loving you tomorrow. It doesn’t work that way. Eventually, it gets to a point where you know that it was never really going to be and by then, you are so attached and it takes the grace of God, an incredibly strong will, large amounts of determination and the courage of a lion to walk away.

So as I begin the amazing journey of my late 20’s (stop rolling your eyes jor), I pray for a lot of things. But most importantly, I pray for strength, courage and wisdom. I know I’m going to need it in large doses. But I also know that I’ve come this far with sheer guts and I couldn’t be held down. Guts, strength, courage and wisdom? That’s a killer combination and that’s where my confidence comes from.